| |
info for educators
You already know that you are
among the most important people
in children’s lives. School is a
second home for children.
Because of their relationship to
you, they may turn to you as a
stable and concerned presence
when they are feeling the stress
of big changes in their lives.
Here are some things that may be
helpful to know or do.
- Provide consistency
and structure. Children
thrive on routine and clear
expectations for their
behavior.With so many things
changing in their lives,
they may look to their
school as a place that
provides stability and
support. Listen to and
accept their feelings, but
set limits on behaviors that
are unacceptable.
- Affirm and reinforce
their strengths. Let
them know that they are
valued through your smiles
and positive feedback for
their efforts as well as
their progress. Many
children say they do not
want to be pitied, but they
do want to hear about what
they do well. Give them
opportunities for leadership
to build on their strengths.
- Watch for behavioral
signals of underlying
problems. When children
are unruly or withdrawn, or
if they exhibit dramatic
changes in behavior
patterns, these may be
signals that something is
going wrong in their lives.
Children whose parents are
in conflict or are
undertaking a separation or
divorce often have very
powerful feelings, but they
are also very likely to try
to hide those feelings,
especially from their
parents. As a result, the
stress they feel can produce
difficult or disturbing
behaviors that spill over
into the classroom. If they
are willing to talk with you
about what’s going on in
their lives, you may be able
to help them deal with their
feelings or help them to
find resources to address
their needs.
- Encourage the
adoption of an
evidence-based prevention
program in your school.
Children whose parents
divorce often feel alone in
their experiences and
feelings and isolated from
their peers. Supportive
group programs such as the
Children of Divorce
Intervention Program,
developed by Dr.
Pedro-Carroll, have been
proven to provide
significant and lasting
benefits for children.
- Encourage the
adoption of evidence-based
parenting programs for
divorcing or divorced
parents. All children
need quality parenting, with
abundant love and consistent
limits on their behavior.
Children who are
experiencing major life
changes—such as those
brought about by
divorce—especially need the
security of effective
parenting. You may help the
children in your school by
helping their parents find a
program in your school
district or local community.
- Help children develop
an accurate understanding of
their parents’ divorce.
Children need to understand
that they did not cause, and
cannot solve, the problems
between their parents. But
many children and teens
develop serious emotional
difficulties because they
somehow believe they are to
blame. You may be in a
position to help uncover
those feelings and lead
children to a more accurate
understanding of the changes
in their family.
- Encourage parents to
focus on their children’s
best interests. Convey
that children benefit from
the loving support of both
parents in their lives.
Educators often hear the
overflow of parents’
emotions and thoughts about
each other, since school is
the connecting point for
their children. In meetings
with parents, or even in
informal encounters, you can
help children by
discouraging their parents
from criticizing, blaming,
or denigrating the other
parent in front of their
children. Children
understand that both parents
are somehow a part of them,
and when a parent is made to
look bad, children often
feel that they are somehow
defective, too.
- Communicate with
parents regularly about
their children’s strengths
as well as problems or
concerns. When there are
concerns, take a
problem-solving approach
with a plan for improvement.
Divorce means that parents
and children are going
through one of the most
stressful times of their
lives—and it can continue
for many months. Your
support, understanding and
encouraging words about
their child can make an
enormous difference.
|
|
 NAPPA
Gold Award, 2010, National
Parenting Publications Awards
2010 Mom's Choice Awards® Gold Recipient
Putting Children First:
Proven Parenting Strategies
for Helping Children Thrive
Through Divorce
|
|
