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Info for legal professionals
Here are some ways that you
can make a difference in the
lives of children whose parents
are divorcing:
- Reduce conflict.
Individuals who are ending
their marriage are often
angry, hurt, bitter, and
ready to lash out at their
former partner. While it is
important to address the
needs of the adults in this
situation, it is most
important to protect
children. Research has
repeatedly demonstrated that
on-going, unresolved
conflict takes a terrible
and lasting toll on
children. You are in a
wonderful position to help
defuse conflict and help
divorcing partners address
their differences in a more
rational, dispassionate
manner, and most of all, to
focus on managing their
conflict for the sake of
their children.
- Promote a new
professional parenting
partnership. While
marriage ends, the
responsibilities for
parenting do not. It is in
children’s best interests to
have both parents actively
engaged in parenting them,
and to the extent possible,
to have alignment and
cooperation between parents
in establishing expectations
for their behavior and in
ensuring that children have
quality time with both
parents and other siblings.
You can help parents to see
how their children will
benefit from having a
healthy relationship with
both parents. They may need
your help in renegotiating
their relationship from that
of former spouses to a new
parenting partnership that
functions in a businesslike
way with the goal of raising
healthy children.
- Develop parenting
plans that focus on
children’s best interests.
Sometimes in the throes
of divorce, parents see
their time with their
children as an entitlement—
“my time”—or worse, as a
bargaining chip. You can
help children enormously by
helping parents to focus on
the children’s best
interests and to remember
that quality parenting and
containing conflict are more
important than the exact
number of hours in a
schedule. You can help them
to arrive at creative
win-win-win creative
decisions, with both
parents’ wins coming from
doing what’s best for their
children.
- Help them plan for
and work through multiple
transitions. There are
always transitions in life
as children grow, parents
change jobs, move to new
communities, or experience
losses through illness or
death. Divorce creates an
even longer list of major
changes for many children
that often includes: losing
the presence of one parent
in a household; shifting
back and forth between
households; losing the
presence of a parent in
their lives altogether;
changing schools; losing
contact with friends,
extended family, and beloved
pets; living with new
stepparents and siblings in
re-married families; losses
of opportunity associated
with poorer economic
circumstances, and more.
Each of these represents a
major transition for
children, and one in which
you may have an opportunity
to protect their best
interests.
- Provide an array of
court-connected services for
separating parents,
including research-based
parent education programs to
guide them in handling
family changes in ways that
are best for their children.
Many such programs are built
on factors that have been
shown to relate to better
long-term outcomes for
children. In addition to
educational programs, give
parents information about
collaborative law and
mediation as effective
alternatives to litigation.
- Convey a message of
hope and healing to parents.
Help them to understand
that they can foster their
children’s resilience by
focusing on factors over
which they have control:
protecting their children
from conflict, providing
quality parenting, and
creating an environment of
peace, and stability in
their post-divorce family.
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 NAPPA
Gold Award, 2010, National
Parenting Publications Awards
2010 Mom's Choice Awards® Gold Recipient
Putting Children First:
Proven Parenting Strategies
for Helping Children Thrive
Through Divorce
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