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info for mental health
professionals
Here are some ways that you
can make a difference in the
lives of children whose parents
are divorcing:
- Help parents learn to
manage conflict. Most
people who experience
divorce struggle with many
difficult emotions and often
need the help of
professionals like you to
work through those. As you
do so, you can help parents
and ultimately help them
make a big difference for
their children by coaching
them on ways to manage
conflict.
- Help parents focus on
parenting as their top
priority. Even in the
midst of their own painful
emotions, most parents want
what’s best for their
children. Many feel a great
deal of guilt over the
impact their divorce may
have on them. You can serve
as a wonderful resource on
effective parenting in which
both parents provide
abundant love and consistent
limits for their children.
The benefits of this kind of
parenting for children are
well established, but the
process of taking positive
steps to focus on children’s
best interests is
therapeutic for parents, as
well.
- Help parents develop
a professional parenting
relationship, focused on
their children’s best
interests. One of the
best ways to help parents
manage conflict is to
reframe their relationship.
They are no longer romantic
partners, but both will
always be parents of the
children they share. You can
help them to establish a
businesslike parenting
relationship with a
structured framework for
making decisions and
patterns of behavior that
will provide lasting
benefits for their children.
- Help children express
their feelings. Recent
neurological research has
demonstrated the benefits of
“labeling” emotions. Giving
words to feelings helps to
calm the amygdala and ignite
the prefrontal cortex, which
plays an important role in
rational thought. Young
children often are unable to
understand their feelings,
but helping them to find
words for them is
beneficial. Older children
and adolescents are much
better able to manage their
emotions if they can
untangle their feelings and
understand the
differences—and the
relationships—between fear,
hurt, anger, worry, and
other strong emotions they
are likely feeling.
- Help children develop
an accurate understanding of
their parents’ divorce.
Children need to understand
that they did not cause, and
cannot solve, the problems
between their parents. They
do not need—and for the most
part, should not hear—the
details of their parents’
difficulties. But many
children and teens develop
serious emotional
difficulties because they
somehow believe they are to
blame. Addressing those
feelings openly can help to
make a great deal of
difference for children.
- Help children develop
coping skills. Coping
skills are important factors
in children’s ability to
become resilient and bounce
back from adversity and
major changes in their
lives. You can play an
important role by teaching
and then helping children
practice skills such as
empathy, problem solving,
seeking help when needed,
hope and optimism, and
others.
- Employ evidence-based
preventive intervention
models. Programs such as
the Children of Divorce
Intervention Program,
developed by Dr.
Pedro-Carroll, have been
proven to provide
significant and lasting
benefits for children. You
may consider using this or
other research-based models
for group work with
children.
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NAPPA
Gold Award, 2010, National
Parenting Publications Awards
2010 Mom's Choice Awards® Gold Recipient
Putting Children First:
Proven Parenting Strategies
for Helping Children Thrive
Through Divorce
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